“Lilly , talk to me about forgiveness” ,asks Marsha.
I’m going to just cut through the bullshit and speak frankly. I can only speak from my own experiences.
I hear people say ,” love is all that is real”, “gratitude is important,” “if we love that is enough.” Yes, all of this is important but I continue to see those who speak about love but have a difficult time putting it in action.
Let me give you a few examples.
A few years ago I hired someone I trusted. One day after our daughter died and I was travelling back and forth to Alberta to help my mother with her transition in her death, I was at a store I owned . I was having a difficult time with this employee a year before and was going to let her go but , I loved her and thought “no, hang in there.” John my husband informed me many times I was making a mistake based on my feelings about why I SHOULD let her go but I paid no heed.
This one day, I asked, ‘What is happening to our friendship, it does not feel right anymore” Her answer, “You have changed, you are not in your joy anymore. “ I began to cry and said, “Let me put things into prospective for you . My child has committed suicide, my mother is dying, my father has had a stroke, I have had shingles twice in one year and this business is falling.”
She made a comment that was senseless to me at the time.
Fast forward to three month before I close the business ( my sacred space) . She comes in the store in a foul mood. I ask if she would like to talk about it. “No, she says,” You have no respect for me, you are cruel. You told me you wish my child was dead”. You are laying me off first . Why?
I was stunned. I realized why I wanted to let her go a year previous. Something was off in her and I would not admit it. She told me I was a witch, no one in town liked me. I was cruel. She was very angry that I was letting her go first. I had two months left and there was one employee who I was keeping on until the last day .
When she stormed out the door to go and gossip to others two things came into my mind. “ I killed that friendship as I killed my child & she and her behaviours are like my first born. I was once again dumbfounded. I had not realized I felt that way about Melanie.(that I had killed her, of course that is not true but I had more work to do around that issue )
I called a friend to ask what the hell is the matter with me that people feel this way. She replied that sometimes because I tell it like it is people are offended. I understood what she was saying and thanked her. I also thanked the employee in my heart and called her a noble friend. I was forced to take a good look into myself. In February of that year I sent her a valentine. Needless to say I have not heard anything from her since. She will talk about love, God, spirit without realizing that until we forgive there is no room for love.
Another example.: A friend’s husband dies. I offer her workshops, which she attends, I give her Trinity table rides to help with her grief, John and I invite her to a few dinners so she is not alone. Two years later through my grief, I do not hear a word from her. She comes into the store a few times and is cold. I am confused and amazed by her behaviour. Through another friend I find out she is upset I hired someone she was not fond off. Loyalty is very important to her and I was not loyal.
I email her to see if we can meet over dinner to discuss. I try to friend her on Facebook. Nothing. Not a word. She is unable to forgive but continues to speak about love when she is teaching.
My final example: While I had my store there is one woman who I have the pleasure to meet who is well known. We quickly become friends and I fall in love with her and her energy. She is available for anything I ask, as long as I have the store. Once I close , she vanishes. Deletes me from her Facebook . Again I am loss for words . It becomes laughable as I realize I attract these people to me. I love them, I trust them but there is something in me that is gullible, native. They are a wonder to me and allow me to reexamine self. I call them noble friends.
You hear this noble freind talk about love but don’t bring up her mother , not a desired subject to discuss. She is still angry or hurt by her mom. I have obviously hurt her in someway. Neither of us is forgiven.
How can we love , be in gratitude without forgiveness? To be pure in heart and live in our souls we are required to call in forgiveness. Not just for us but for others. To love without forgiveness is like a book with a pretty cover with no substance. That kind of love is in the head, not the heart. The heart and its brain, is loving, grateful and forgiving.
The next time you fall in love, ask yourself, “Can I forgive this person no matter who they are or what they do?” Do you love with conditions? Do you love because it serves you?
Loving forgiveness does not only serve us or others but the collective. The Whole of the Holy.
Forgive, be grateful and let your LOVE shine. Be wise in your choices.